28-31 Jul 2018
Yep. Indeed, my travelling life has more or less been limited to Australia, the Philippines and a few new cities. Not as much variety as before. As I am trying to maintain long distance relationships between T (Aus) and my family (Phil). My own relationship with myself has changed drastically too. My drive and motivation to explore, alone or with others are still there, but somehow, a little bit supressed. Now, I am nurturing myself as a person and as a partner. I have to think and act less selfishly as I have more people to nurture my relationships with.
I haven’t been in this kind of loving and kind relationship for a very long time. The kind of person T is, (for now) is something I have never imagined possible. I feel like a princess with him. Scary, but I think I am bound to be a brat in the near future. Scary because I do not want to get used to the kind of comfort he is providing. I want to keep strong to stand on my own still though, to be honest, he has the ability to make me depend and be vulnerable and that is scary. I sometimes ask myself if I am worthy of his love? Sometimes, the way he is makes me feel like I am not good enough. That has never happened before. As a persistent pessimist, I know this may not last but I will enjoy it anyway.
I flew to Melbourne this time around because I want to know exactly what his work is about. I only know they manufacture blinds. I did not have any idea why he feels so tired every night. I didn’t have any idea why he keeps on forgetting things until I went to this factory. It was a bit messy, hence while there, I helped him tidy up a little and set up his brand new desktop. He bought a new one to make his life more comfortable with a bigger screen. I then realized how tough is work is. He runs around finishing jobs and invocing and talking to people, answering phone calls. It felt like he was a one man performer in a circus. I then only made a commitment to help out, despite being far away.
In between this busy schedule of his, we managed to squeeze in some nice dinners outside, cooked by him and by my friend J. We also managed to watch a footy game in a pub and climb Kokoda Memorial Trail again.
Still an exploration huh? A different kind…an exploration of how T is at work… I plan to get to know him more in my own litttle ways. He will fly here on Wed. And I will fly again to meet his mum and bro in Townsville a week after that. My flying life has never been this focused! Hahaha Not sure if it’s good but who decides what is good or bad anyway?