My 11-year old patient just said “Dark is better. Corners are more peaceful” After, he, all of a sudden switched off the light in my room and hid himself behind the door of my sound-proofed booth. He ,sometimes, surprises me with his words. He seems to know what I am feeling deep within.
The last time he visited, I was fuming because of some misunderstandings, then, he came into the room, as I was trying to relax, and pretend to smile and act calm, he suddenly asked “Are you ok, Auntie ?” I wanted to cry. It felt like my patients really know me so well that I couldn’t anymore hide anything from them. They’re like my own….
Back to that “Dark is better. Corners are more peaceful” comment. On that day, there was something inside me calling me to isolate. It’s my need sometimes. I felt that urge to stay in that dark corner and just hear my own breathing, think about nothing, feel nothing.
Desolation is what I was feeling, but Isolation was the answer. At least, that was what I thought so. I wanted to drown myself in that feeling of emptiness because in there, the fire of inspiration and that indelible splash of happiness is awaiting to be acknowledged.
The idea was, I am the only one responsible for my own happiness. People, most of the time disappoint us and only we can choose to exhale happiness despite these.
Isolated in dark corners, there is only me, no competitions, no anger, no envy, there’s no need to struggle. In there, I can feel better, whole and at peace, without having anything or anyone. In there, the world is simple. All I need is air and my heart.
My patient and I share the same need….the need to isolate and get to know our own beings.