It’s been two weeks since the earthquake in Nepal happened but I still couldn’t get rid of it in my head. I couldn’t last a day without checking out how the country is doing after this tragic event. I still continued on looking at my pictures, my tickets and trying to reminisce how beautiful the places and how kind the people were while I was there. Side by side, I am also searching for news about the aftermath of the earthquake, looking at those beautifully erected buildings, now, destroyed; smiling people,now, crying.

I am thinking, have I done enough? I went there for a volunteering work but I couldn’t make myself do something during the time that they really needed assistance the most. I wanted to help but I felt helpless myself. Fear engulfed me against something I loved the most, nature.

I wanted to run away from it, but where to? I wanted to help but how? I don’t speak their language? I wanted to go to the nearest hospital but is the hospital strong enough not to crumble away when a tremor happen again? Will the streets and bridges be strong enough to sustain more tremors? All these were in my mind and until now, they are still continously rewinding? What else should I have done?

Now, I am back home, but my mind is still with them. I am guilty because I didn’t do anything. I’m in denial, that those heritage sites are no longer there. I am hurting that up to now, the bright faces of the children I’ve met along the way are now covered with dust of loneliness. I do not know how, but because of work commitments I can’t go there…I want to go there again. ..Now, I feel even more helpless…more helpless than during the earthquake itself….=(

Dharahara Tower