I keep on reminding myself of this because I’m being pushed to do otherwise many times. Yes. I may sometime jokingly tell people I am competitive, but in everyday context, especially with people I interact with every day, I try not to.

I just do not understand why a few others have this strong desire to look better and more deserving than others. There are people who would continuously embarrass other people, but for what? How can they  feel good about making others feel inferior?

Ex. Correcting other people in a sarcastic way in front of others? Despite being unsure, dominantly, expressing  that another person is wrong, and they’re correct (most of the time, they’re wrong)?

Maybe, secured people wouldn’t get affected but I do.( Haha. Yes, I am insecure.)  Not just for myself but I also feel for other ‘victims’. Sometimes I am also being vulnerable to take insensitive comments expressed by these people.

I may have sometimes looked competitive and I may have victimized other people as well, at some point, but I didn’t mean that. If I do, I am aware and it would keep on running through my head and I would feel guilty after I expressed something that could make another feel bad about him/herself.

O well, sometimes, I just wish people are more tactful because I hate the feeling of being always up to prove and defend myself. I don’t want to waste my precious time and energy to compete and tell these people off for I know they wouldn’t listen.

Well. I felt victimized the whole day hence, this journal entry!

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Shall leave you with one of the living principles I'm trying to follow, the Desiderata,

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927