I wanted so many things in life and most of them I was able to get with less efforts. In few occassions, i got rejected and failed, yet,  I was able to gracefully accept these failures and rejections. I used to think, maybe its a sign, maybe its not for me, maybe God has better plans. But, there’s one thing i couldn’t have which up to now, I still cry and pray hard about……..HIS LOVE. Until now, I hurt from the core of my being. Sometimes, it hurts until I already feel physical pain. 

I’ve been praying hard for his love and loyalty since he gave me a pen where "i love you ate" ‘s engraved. He disappointed me many times and yet, I still continue to love him with the hope that he would eventually "love" me back for real. He told me many times that he missed me, but when chances were available, he would most of the time, stood me up. Most of the time, he would cancel of for different occuring reasons. I cried many times coz of him, and yet, up to now, i still love him.

I stayed here in Singapore coz he could come here and I could also go back easier and faster to be with him. I would usually have 1-2 weeks of vacation, he would only show up 1-2x for a few hours and he would already rush somewhere else. 

How could he say he missed me and cancelled on me, for God knows how many times already?!?!

How could he say I was the only one yet, some pictures, messages etc. indicated otherwise? 

MY FRUSTRATION IS…how can I let myself LOVE SOMEONE WHO MADE ME CRY HARD MANY TIMES?  gosh…now, im missing him badly!!! IM VERY VERY FRUSTRATED of myself.

I pray that if he really could not love me back, God, PLEASE HEAL MY HEART!!!!