Having my coffee and breakfast (hotdog and rice)…..have to go to work today…again….=) ive no idea what to write here…..Just wanted to do a lil' psychodynamic technique on myself called free association….. it  is  actually done by continuously relating anything that comes into mind, regardless of how superficially unimportant it is……. 

Where do i start? hmmm…..adult life is so complicated. I just wish i can go back to that very safe and easy childhood life i had, where everythings provided, everythings fun, everythings happy….I was actually blessed with a very happy family, not rich but very happy…and i miss them now..I remember there were times when some kids would do something to upset me and my sister, and my parents would always protect us and make us feel safe again..They just knew what to do to make things better for us.

Now its real life, the only person who can protect me is ME.

Recently, I loved…and i think i was wrong. It was tough especially for a first timer. I just felt so betrayed and so stupid that i actually believed. Im supposed to be smart. I tried to forget, but it seems that all I can do is bury those memories of what happened to my subconscious. Its not immediately available to consciousness, but still existing in the mind and every now and then,  its seriously haunting me…Its supposed to be ok now. but its not.

Ive always believed that people are naturally good. So honestly, I dont hate that person for hurting me and makin me feel this way but i just cant forget it. I never will, i think.

I just wish this "feeling" would end soon. I just wish my parents can still save me from this (or if not, at least my real/tangible OTL)….

grabe…..wanna wake up from this nightmare na….SOON!!! hhhhaaayyyyy